Chemotherapy is officially over! (Woohoo!)
After 4 months, and 8 treatments later I am happy to say that my treatments are now behind me and hopefully I will never have to experience the grossness of chemo ever again. My community here was so sweet to me when I finished chemo. At first, it felt hard to celebrate mainly because it is difficult to feel "happy" when your body still feels very sick. Therefore during the first week after I did not feel like I was over the hump just yet. That didn't stop my roommates and coworkers from leaving little notes and meals for me, so sweet. My small group also was intentional to celebrate with, me and the week after threw a "no more chemo" celebration complete with cake and party hats (see pictures below). Knowing that the horrid taste and nausea are gone was definitely something worth celebrating!
Radiation:
I had my first appointment this past Monday. This appointment was mainly for teaching me a little bit of what the process will look like each time, and getting everything prepared for each radiation session. Since this will be an everyday process for approx 30 days, I will have the ability to scan/check myself in each time (I got a fancy little barcode), prepare for the scan myself, and it should be less than an hour process each day (a large relief compared to the 4+ hour process of chemo where I am connected to multiple drugs through my port. Which oh by the way, Pablo the port has to stay in for at minimum up to a year ☹ ).
The appointment was designed to mark and stage my body so that each time I come in for radiation, the staff is able to line up my body the exact same way in the machine. For this reason, I had multiple marks on my body (1 on each side of my upper body and then 3 down my chest). After they mark with a special pen, they confirm the markings and apply an inked needle, making five small dots. Needless to say, I never thought this was the way I would be getting my first tattoo! Or the first 5 that is! 😄 Thankfully the dots are very small, enough to where unless you are searching for them, they are not very noticeable. I have a "dry run" appointment on Wednesday the 15th, and then from there, I should have a better picture of what the daily radiation will look like. The goal is for a 3:30 pm appointment every day, that way I am not absent from my classroom every single day for a month (my administration are rockstars and have told me not to worry about work since the pre-diagnosis stage back in August, but this teacher really does not want to be MIA from the classroom more than she already has been).
Note: This is a longer post. If you were just looking for the medical update, that is all the new news I have. If you want more to the background story, keep scrolling.
Highs & Lows:
There have been too many highs to count, but the lows are also rearing their nasty head as well.
High:
It has been incredibly reassuring over the past few weeks of just how much the Lord is using this story of cancer. From moments with peers to conversations with others in my life, people in my outer circle, or even my pastor using my experiences as a testimony in a recent sermon. It's beyond humbling, to say the least, to know that this journey is not in vain. To know that I am not just typing words for myself to read and process- and that the pain and trials that Ryan and I are experiencing as a result of this monkey wrench called cancer are not for nothing. That there is a story to be told that can point back to just how much the Lord is a PRESENT God and is a God that goes THROUGH the seasons and the places with us, never leaving us. Ask me about the sermon, or ask me about the butterfly, or about my body as a positive image, or the Thursday coffee and I will gladly share the testimonies that are just too much to type into words on this platform.
Low:
I am learning that the lows are just as present too where the enemy tries to stick his ugly head in places he is not welcome. If you are not picking up what I am putting down, I am talking about the main enemy- satan. As a Christian, we know that biblically the more that we live our lives as best as we can to *try* (which it's not perfect) and reflect the Gospel , the more and more the enemy wants to destroy. As joyous as it was to round the corner of chemo and shout "Yes! It's done!", I feel as if the enemy was quick to try and steal that joy.
In the past week or more, its become more noticeable that the ways in which "cancer" is being used to strip my identity in the Lord and the purpose He created me for, strip me away from friendships, or doubt the good in the transition of seasons that I am in- ALL internal mental lies from the enemy... (examples)
"You are a bad teacher because you have been away from the classroom so much. You are a stranger in your own classroom. What good are you even doing, the students don't learn or listen to you anyways?" LIE.
"You should not be wearing those head scarves to protect your hair loss and roots, those are only for people in chemo. You missed your chance when you were a "real" cancer patient. You are just a wannabe now who looks dumb" LIE.
"Cancer is ruining your friendships. Oh, you have multiple friends with new children or are in a season of pregnancy? They can't understand what you are going through and you can't understand them- your friendship is failing." LIE.
"You will not get everything done. You won't meet those deadlines or find a new teaching job in SC, wedding planning is not going well-its all too much. Your future marriage is going to be unsuccessful for [insert negative reason]- cancer has taken the energy and space away from you to be successful in the seasons of change the Lord has put ahead of you" LIE.
and these are just a few for perspective...
The enemy turns what is GOOD for EVIL. "Cancer" has been the fuel for the Lord to use as a beautiful testimony to His faithfulness. Satan has desired to throw in a mental "funk" if you will by speaking many of the same negative lies as listed above, and turns it around to "blame it on cancer." In reality, there are TRUTHS that can be written to wage war against each of those lies.
It is so so easy to be blind to where spiritual warfare exists. Spiritual warfare is an entirely different theological conversation in itself that I don't desire to dive into in this post BUT- I am saying that it does not always come with flashing lights and a siren saying "I'm here!" No. It wiggles itself into our day-to-day actions, our mental self-talk, and into the parts of our lives that make us question ourselves and our identity in Christ. It make us think it's US and not the enemy speaking. Bottom Line: Do not let the enemy get a foothold on something he was never supposed to touch. It's a daily battle to push past what the enemy wants to use for evil and to CHOOSE to see what the Lord is already doing. It's reassuring to know I have a God that sees me. I am seen ("El Roi" in the original Hebrew language I learned this week). I am heard. I am understood, protected, and I am known by a God who is not going anywhere.
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